


Delivered Already Broken

by Invida



Category: Veronica Mars (TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-04
Updated: 2014-12-04
Packaged: 2018-02-28 04:52:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2719397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Invida/pseuds/Invida
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Logan can't stop himself from promises.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Delivered Already Broken

**Author's Note:**

> **Rating:** PG-13, R for swears  
>  **Spoilers:** 2x22; missing scene  
>  **Disclaimer:** I know the law, and the law would win.  
>  **Notes** : originally posted elsewhere in May 2006
> 
>  **Summary:** It is the purpose that makes strong the vow...

Love is a promise delivered already broken. -- Steve Martin, _The Zigzag Woman_

Logan can't stop himself from making silent promises to her as she sleeps. He tucks her into her bed and kneels down on the floor watching her, stroking her hair. 

The logical side of his brain is surprisingly awake and telling him he can't make promises like that if he doesn't even know he can keep them. Fucking great, he thinks ruefully, where the hell are you when I'm actually doing stupid things? But the rest of him doesn't care because it's Veronica and even in the sober, rested light of day, his diminutive logical side would have to agree that he was going to at least try for her. 

So he promises. He swears he'll make this better for her. Fuck Aaron and the god-damned purse strings. He'll get Cliff on the phone tomorrow and get whatever he can out of that murderous bastard. If he has to he'll use his mother's money. Hell, he'll sell his story to the highest bidder. Selling out is far less distasteful when it means he could do something that could possibly make things marginally better for her. 

He'll find them somewhere to live wherever she decides to go to school. He doesn't care if they're roommates or whatever. He'll pay for school. He knows she won't accept that, but he'll find a way. He's charmed her before. It won't be perfect. He can't replace what she's lost - all that she's lost. Nothing was ever perfect before and now there's no chance it ever will be again, but for once in his worthless life, he was going to make a difference. 

He's beginning to sound like a brochure for the armed forces. 

He knows he's falling asleep because his mind is sliding into nonsense and his hand has stilled in her hair. He realizes he won't be able to stay awake any longer. She's in the middle of her bed, and no matter how much he wants to, he can't make himself move her so he can fit in beside her, and wrap himself around her. She needs this sleep. 

He gently pulls himself up, trying not to rouse her, and makes his way out to the living room. Backup is pleased to see him. He's less pleased when Logan pushes him off the couch, but it doesn't stop the dog from curling up beside him on the floor. Logan lies down and languidly strokes Backup's head as he tries to remember all the things he's going to do tomorrow to make good. 

But his mind drifts away from his imaginary list, and he's remembering. It's not lost on him that the first time he lay down on this couch he was the one who was broken and bleeding. There's no blood this time but he doesn't feel any less broken. But maybe that had more to do with the fact that he'd been tasered only a few hours ago and that he still wasn't asleep even though his body had promised him that he would be if he'd only just lie down. 

It's also not lost on him that the last time he was in this apartment, on this couch, he was defending himself and his "toadies" to Veronica. Defending Beaver. To Veronica. He can't even comprehend the thought. He files it away as another thing to be sorry about. Just like the look on her face when he yelled at her and broke that damn lamp. No matter how angry he'd been with her that night and after, he never forgot that look, and not even Keith throwing him out, nor all the insults and pissy comments he made to her, could erase that image. Or the look on her face the morning after his stupid prom party. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Why were they always doing things like this to each other? 

Don't do this now. Focus on what's good - on what little is good. 

He was somewhere between nervous and thrilled when he saw her at the grad party and a little scared when she approached him. He pretended not to notice her until she grabbed him. Then he hoped she'd notice how not drunk he was, that he was keeping his first silent promise to her. She didn't, and the worry and fear she broadcasted would have had him following her out of the party, but he got waylaid by Dick. 

Damn. Dick. What he must be going through. But then again, it's Dick. Logan's pretty sure he knows how he's dealing with it. 

When he couldn't find her again, he left the party. There was just nothing in it for him tonight. He figured if she really wanted to talk to him, she'd find him. That is, if she could get past what happened the last time she came to his room. 

What a god damned stroke of genius it was to leave the noise of the party so that he could hear his phone. Sometime after, he can't remember when exactly just that he was holding her and she was telling him everything that had happened and everything that she knew, Logan gently asked her why she sent _him_ the message, even though he figured he knew the answer. Keith was dead. The rumour at the party was that Wallace had run away again. The police wouldn't get there in time. Her arms tightened around him and she simply answered because she knew that he'd come and he kissed the top of her head in response. It gave him hope even though he didn't think he deserved it or that he should even accept it at a time like that. But that's the little good that he can take away from all this, he thinks. 

His brain feels like it's wrapped in cotton candy now and he stops trying to fight his way out of the warm softness. His last conscious thought as he's nestling himself further into the couch is that the cushion still smells like Veronica. 

Enough time passes that he's fully asleep and he's not moving again for anything. But he stirs a little when he thinks he hears Backup whining and his tail thumping. He can't even fathom why the dog would want to go out at this ungodly hour and he hopes that by rolling over and ignoring him, the dog will just lie down. It's a matter of seconds and he hears nothing again and is back to his deep sleep. 

But Logan's dreams are convoluted and agitated. He's back on the roof of the Grand. Veronica is pulling away from him, and she's yelling at him and crying. 

_You think that I'm just going to fall back into your arms just because you came when I called you this one time? You think I can forget everything?_

She runs away. He can't see her anymore, but he can still hear her crying. 

And now he's holding Beaver over the edge by the shirt collar. Beaver is sneering at him. _You know, come to think of it, you would have been a good candidate to pin Veronica's murder on, too. Like father, like son._

_I thought you were my friend, Beaver,_ he shouts into the boy's face. 

_My name is Cassidy,_ he replies. 

Logan slaps him because that's all he can do while his other hand holds Beaver up. 

_I'm Beaver,_ the boy says this time. 

Logan slaps him again. 

_I'm Cassidy._

Another slap. 

_I'm Beaver._

His hand connects again. _How could you? The bus? Veronica? What did she ever do to you?_

_I'm Cassidy._

_How could you?_ He slaps again. _You were supposed to be a good guy!_

_I'm Beaver *and* Cassidy?_

Logan stops at that and says nothing in reply. 

_Yeah, that's what I thought._ Beaver grapples with Logan's hands on his collar and says, _Forget it, Logan. It's Neptune._

Beaver finally wrenches away from him, and this time, Logan lets go and watches him plummet. 

Logan jolts awake. He finds a blanket over him and curses himself, wishing he hadn't ignored Backup if Veronica had to get up to let him out. 

He can't sleep anymore no matter how much he tries to get comfortable again. He swings his legs over to a sitting position and notices Backup is no longer underfoot. Veronica must have taken him back to her room. 

He goes to the can as noiselessly as possible. Then he's quietly rifling through the cupboards looking for something to eat, trying not to curse the dead for not understanding the value and convenience of Pop-Tarts. He spies pancake mix and remembers that Veronica had once insisted on showing him how to make pancakes after his emancipation. Or at least she showed him how to follow the directions on the box. He couldn't just survive on take-out, she'd said, he had to know the basics. 

He pulls out the box of mix and gets the ingredients ready. When he searches the fridge for eggs and milk, he finds bacon and thinks it would be a nice touch. He's putting everything together and this time not making such a mess. He thinks he can do this. He can actually do this. He can take care of her and he already knows she can take care of him. He thinks they're going to be okay. 

But then she's racing into the kitchen calling for her dad and he's retracting those thoughts when he sees the disappointment and heartbreak on her face again. 

Everything happens quickly and yet in slow motion. One second Logan's holding and comforting Veronica, the next he hears a ghost's voice and she's out of his arms and launching herself at the ghost and "I love you" spills from her mouth so easily for the ghost. It takes a couple more sentences from each of them for him to realize this is not just a continuation of Logan's fucked up dream. Keith Mars is really standing here in his own kitchen holding his only grateful daughter. Logan thinks he's never felt such relief and such letdown all at once. 

He suddenly thinks he shouldn't be there, witnessing their reunion. Then he knows he shouldn't be there when he hears Keith say his name. And he can't bear to hear a lecture from Keith about how he should stay away from Veronica especially after last night and everything he'd promised. He grabs his shoes and his sweater and he's out of there before any accusations can follow him out. 

Logan sits down on their terrace to pull his shoes on. The morning paper is lying there, but it's not Beaver's face staring up at him on the front page. It's his father's and the word "KILLED!" emblazoned across the banner. 

His first thought is, well, that solves the money problem. His next thought is that explains where Lamb was last night. And then he can't figure out what he should feel or what he should do. He wants to go back into the apartment again but knows it's not his place to just waltz back in there when Veronica is probably explaining everything and add this to their mind boggling morning. Besides he isn't entirely sure he wouldn't be pushing Veronica out of the way, throwing his arms around Keith instead, kissing his shiny bald head and thanking whatever powers that be that he's alive and not his own bastard father. 

He doesn't know how long he's been sitting there slackjawed, but he's suddenly aware that some time must have passed because he hears a tentative tapping and he sees that Veronica's there watching him through the blind on her door. He almost laughs because she's basically knocking to come outside. 

And he hopes when she opens the door and she takes him in her arms again that she still smells like promises.


End file.
